I have been having a love affair this year with practicing a discipline of silence. As I learn more about the Christian tradition of this particular spiritual discipline, I have benefited greatly by being still with God. Last night I had what you might call an epiphany.
I haven’t talked about this on my blog yet, but I appear to be going deaf. Every year my hearing gets a little bit worse. I began wearing hearing aids three years ago after realizing that I really could not get by any longer without them. I was only 45 years old. I know that I have lost more hearing capacity this year, because I am saying, “could you repeat that?” and “what?” quite a bit even with using my hearing aids.
Along with the hearing loss for me comes the lovely condition of tinnitus. So, even when I take out my hearing aids, I still hear the buzzing from the tinnitus. For some reason lately, the tinnitus has been a lot quieter, thankfully!! That brings me to my epiphany.
Last night I removed my hearing aids and was immediately immersed in a deep silence. The thought came to me that if my hearing loss continues until I am deaf, I will abide in silence. Both spiritually and physically. And I am not afraid of that. I know that I will miss hearing the voices of my loved ones, hearing the birds singing in the trees, hearing the coyotes at night, and hearing beautiful music. But unlike those who have been born deaf, I have heard those things.
I am not afraid of the silence. God is in the silence, too.